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Raw Success

A Journal Entry About The REAL Reasons to Adopt a Raw Food Lifestyle

I had an experience today. THIS is why I am willing to change, to do what it takes, to grow myself up to match all the new energy Raw is bringing in. THIS is what I was longing for before I even found Raw. The fast-paced transformation I have been riding recently was to get AWAY from the body/mind/spirit pain box I had created, and perhaps more importantly (at least now that I feel so good, ha ha!!!) it was to get TOWARDS moments like I had today.

My daughter wanted a huge slab of cake after school, and nothing else in the whole market interested her. “I had a boring day, Mom. I want cake.” So I said no, that if ALL she wanted was the sugar then she wasn’t hungry, she was self-medicating. (I know, I’m such a freak — my daughter’s only 9!)

So we left, her in tears (I didn’t handle the whole thing very well). I apologized for not handling it well, but then went on to say that I couldn’t just go, “whatever”; that this was a very important issue to me, that it has taken me 40 years to get any kind of handle on, that our whole culture teaches us and encourages us to deaden emotion with food, to alter our chemistry for short term gratification with food, to take the quick indulgence. Heavy, right? A part of me was thinking, “what the heck am I going off on this for?”

GRACE. As it turned out, something had happened during the day, my daughter was having a lot of intense feelings, and I was awake *enough* to be present, to help her process instead of stuff, to help her come to healing. And she felt amazing after, and I knew that grace was at work here, that she had just had an experience of being seen and of learning that she can hold herself and feel her feelings. And, paradoxically, it was both miraculous and completely non-dramatic and normal. Every mother’s dream — to actually be able to HELP our children, rather than recognizing that much of the time we are part of the problem, LOL. Plus, getting to feel viscerally, in that moment, I am not my mother. :)

Towards the end, my daughter told me, “You know, Mom, ever since you went raw so much has changed, and I like a lot of it, and I can see it’s really good for YOU, but sometimes it feels really hard for me and I get to having angry feelings at you for all this…gosh, STUFF.” Which is pretty much what my husband has been saying to me, too. :)

So, for me, this was YET ANOTHER amazing initiation into this new phase of my life. I am here to learn how to HOLD/LIVE/RUN the energy, the conscious transformation, that is coming in.  For myself first, and then to figure out how to integrate that with my family. So that the process, in addition to intense, is magical, Grace-filled, gentle, and has these moments of being able to see more than just my own agenda. Which, by the way, includes somehow getting to the point where I am not preparing 6+ DIFFERENT meals a day!!!! (mine and theirs!)

I really feel like Raw food has, beyond healing my body, upped my energy. And upped the stakes! I get bliss, and then wonder how I can handle it. I get the answer that I have to be more responsible, more in integrity, more of myself, more conscious. I get lots of feedback for where parts of me are NOT there yet, and my resistance screams…”But I don’t want that! I just want to do what I want with no consequences!!! Waaa! Stomp, stomp!”

AND I feel like as I learn to hold this new level, and as I work out how a Raw food lifestyle looks for me, I can actually handle some of that, see some of it, choose not to go into defense some of the time….

There’s magic here, folks. I am feeling crazy and blessed, frightened and euphoric, centered and strong.  THANK YOU to every single one of you…you are a part of this.  Yes, I mean you!  You wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t also emerging.  Thank you!

November 13 2009

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