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You Can Heal More Than You Think

How does your body feel right now?

Do you have aches and pains that you define as passing – maybe you did some yard work, or had a good workout, or went uphill?

Or do you have pains that you carry with you more consistently — your illness, your dis-ease, the pains you “have”. The pains you claim ownership of.  The pains you believe in.

Several years ago, my pains were increasing daily.  My quality of life, energy, and mobility were decreasing daily.  NOT the direction I consciously wanted to go!  But inside, there was a war going on. I had outgrown a whole set of behaviors and attitudes that at one time had been the top of my game.  The very same beliefs that had, at one point, been responsible for creating my dreams, were now creating tremendous pain and suffering.  More precisely, my refusal to release them and to grow more was causing me increasing suffering.

I didn’t see it this way at the time!  At the time, I was swirling in the thoughts and emotions of denial and powerlessness.  “It’s not that bad; lots of other people are achy.”  “Even though I can’t do things I love anymore, and it’s effecting my job, it’s manageable.”  “I don’t even know what’s going on, so what can I do?”   As I got a little more conscious, it was thoughts like this one: “I know the way I’m eating is part of the problem, but I don’t want to change. I don’t have the time/money/support/ability to do that.”

Twice in two years I got so sick I couldn’t care for my children; once my father flew across the country on no notice to care for me.  THAT was scary.  But not scary enough to change, just scary enough to be more frightened!  Aside from my health, many things in my life remained absolutely fabulous.  At some deep level, I felt like having something “bad” in my life was somehow deserved, that it evened some cosmic scale and made sure I wasn’t “getting too much good.”  Mostly, I was trying to run from taking responsibility.  I was enjoying the negative pleasure associated with not being responsible.  Because surely getting sick isn’t my fault, and now I just can’t do better than I am doing, and others will have to take care of me, and I will just rest… And of course, since I really was sick, and thus really was exhausted, rest sounded like the best thing in the world.

The rest that cured me, however, wasn’t just physical rest, although I did get to a place where I was able to put myself first in a new way and take some “retreat” time to deeply heal.  The rest that cured me was releasing the terrible strain of resisting my own growth, and stepping into the greater self response-ability I was ready for.

Now why am I sharing all this with you?  Does it sound silly to you… or magical?

Many of us have grown familiar with the concept that our thoughts create our reality, at the level of attitudes.  We get that we feel happier thinking happy thoughts than angry thoughts.   Yet it’s more than that. We are responsible for our whole lives.  Even what we usually don’t think of ourselves as being responsible for.  I know that’s radical.  I know all of us can point to any number of circumstances in our lives and proclaim, “But that’s not my fault!”  No, it’s not your fault.  But it IS your responsibility.  Not your responsibility to force change on the outer circumstance.  Just your responsibility to keep being curious, and courageous, until you find the thoughts, the reactions, to that circumstance that make you feel better, that move you forward, that raise your vibration — and lessen your pain.

Accepting that responsibility feels scary.  Feel the fear and do it anyway!  What I am responsible for I am able to respond to. I can create differently! I am responsible for my own pain. I am responsible for my arthritis. And because I am responsible, I am capable of manifesting change. And because of that, today, I only have arthritis pain when I choose to. (What if the same were true for you?)

“Only have pain when we choose to? What!?” you may be saying.

Yep.  Now a short disclaimer here — the following is what is true for me.  I’ve spent a lot of trial and error and a lot of time trying to make what was true for me fit what I thought made the most sense. For me, the two key aspects of my healing are accepting the growth I am called to, and and accepting that a key aspect of this is the food I eat.  When I eat a mostly living plant-foods based diet, I feel great, and pain-free.  When I eat poorly, I feel poorly; and, if I continue, I hurt. A Lot.  For me, eating poorly means high protein, dairy, wheat, and refined sugar.

The other pieice is my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  More deeply, this is really about whether I am allowing in as much Spirit or connection as I can in that moment; or whether I am resisting, disconnecting, and choosing to hang out in my own mud!

So last week, I had company, and I had some work stress, and I had some insecurity, and I choose old patterns and old comforts. Dairy and wheat! Pizza! Cheese and crackers! Bread and cheese!  And not just for a moment, and then back into my self-supportive habits.  No, I reveled in my own resistance all week.  By the end of the week, in addition to 5 unneeded pounds, I hurt.  Finally, I hurt enough to take myself out for a long hike, ground my energy and align my thoughts, and get back in positive gear.

When we are in the midst of self-sabotaging, our thoughts are full of self-pity, and overwhelm, and fear. We let our thoughts fill with reasons why we “deserve” our poor choices.  We mislabel this resistance as comforting. We can tell its not a true, loving, non-judgemetnal comforting because it takes us away from what we want. Our thoughts and actions make us feel worse.  But wait a minute. Why argue for our limitations? Why put our energy into supporting what we don’t want?  Why respond to feeling fear — or anxiety, or insecurity — by giving it weight and heft and backing?  At any moment we have access to a choice that does not feed the fear.  We have access to our Spirit, to Grace, to our Higher Self.  We have access to thoughts and actions that are healing, energizing, and authentic.  We can choose to raise our vibration – life is joyful!  We can choose to lower it – life is bleak.  We can choose to support our pain or to support our healing.

Seize your own power.  Step into your responsibility.  Make grown-up miracles! Not sure how? Call me!


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